Mirror, Mirror.

I didn't watch the Oscars last night, I don't know who won awards or if anyone fell over this year. My main reason for not watching I hear you ask well, I am absolutely sick to death of people ripping apart others for their choice of clothing. All you ever seem to hear is " The dress clashed with her skin and made her look sickly " or " She's too heavy to be wearing that ". Oh your poor little eyes whatever will you do? It must be incredibly hard looking down on all the people you think are beneath you. Of course the funny thing is that the people who are the most judgy tend to be the losers in life who have never achieved anything so they thrash out at people that have.
It's like football "fans" who seem to think their "Gran could play better than that" or pseudo intellectuals harping on about something they've recently read on Wikipedia. We shouldn't be paying so much attention to all these kind of people, but now everybody has a voice so it's hard to ignore. Twitter, Facebook and Youtube are full of nasty, horrible comments and videos picking everybody apart. Just because somebody is "payed too much" or famous or even slightly well known doesn't mean we have such a right to be nasty little trolls towards them. Yes, some people are annoying, some are arrogant and rude but a lot of them aren't. We don't know know what's going on in their personal lives, we might think we do because of newspapers and internet comments but deep down we know the majority of it is bullshit.
I have a lot of respect for people that work hard at their craft, self made folks who work several jobs whilst focusing on their dream job and sometimes working for free just to get the experience. It doesn't matter if they're actors, comedians, dancers or writers nor does it matter if they're electricians, doctors, lawyers or chefs.
There is more to men and woman than what they look like and there is more to life than being a bitchy, shallow son of a bitch.
Take a long hard look at yourself and imagine how you would take it if you were repeatedly told you were fat, ugly and untalented. Go on Twitter and all the comments are telling you you have cellulite or you're going grey.
We seem to have forgotten what love and compassion are. The Oscars is no longer about celebrating the film industry but about destroying someone. And I for one think that is #fuckedup.

This is what I'm Tolkien about.

I started reading books on my own from an early age, I loved to escape into my imagination and I'd sit for hours recreating my own versions with my Play Mobil and Barbies. Of course I didn't just take inspiration from reading, a lot came from films too. I remember having a male doll that I named Clark and he had a big secret...he could fly! Too much Superman I think there.
Once when I was about eight at school I was told off by my teacher for daydreaming in class, she had given us the task of writing our own stories so it was her own fault really. I was merely thinking about where I wanted my story to go but she couldn't understand that and decided I was just being naughty, as punishment she made the whole class stay in at break and told them it was because of me! What a Bitch! Way to encourage bullying.
As I got older I pretty much stopped reading so much and started to write more but never as much as I really wanted to. It was all done on paper and took ages and I was a bit lazy therefore I would start a story and never finish it. When I was about eighteen my lovely dad bought me a crappy second hand laptop such was his belief that one day I could write something propa gud. I appreciated his enthusiasm but because I hadn't written anything for so long I had turned into a negative Nancy and decided that I was rubbish. Of course I may well be rubbish but now, at the age of thirty two I have chosen to use this blog as a sort of practice. I am aware that my grammar isn't anywhere near perfect, this is what comes of having a memory like a sieve. However I am now of the understanding that if I don't write anything then I won't get anywhere. If I enjoy doing something who cares if it isn't great or well put together, I'm sure I'll comments that I won't like but at least I'm no longer letting people turn me away from something I love.
Reading and writing can take you out of your bog standard boring world and take you to places like Hogsmeade, Rivendall and Narnia, and I know that, for me, they're worlds I'd much rather live in.

Eat your words!

I have fat friends there, I said it. But don't think for a second I'm mocking them for it, this is by their own admission. The word fat is of course only one word to describe these people. Other words I could choose are loving, smart, funny and inspiring. My friends don't say it about themselves because they hate the way they look or want to change anything about themselves. They say it because it's the truth, as truthful as stating that I have brown hair or that the man down the road is tall. They aren't shouting it out before someone else shouts it at them, which inevitably happens because people are Jerks. It's just that they know what they are and they are absolutely fine with that, so why aren't other people?
Obviously there are a number of reasons why people become fat and equally there are a lot of health and political issues involved but I'm not here to talk about that aspect of it. I am here to try to understand the genuine horror some people have at seeing someone big. Sometimes friends of mine have taken the decision to lose the weight, they might join a gym or join an exercise group and then they get ridiculed by utter Morons. Would you try to lose weight while people stood and mocked you because I wouldn't.
The rest of my "bigger" friends are perfectly happy with their appearance, they don't want to lose weight and they don't want to adjust their diet unless of course they have to. That doesn't mean they sit on their arses eating cheeseburgers or chocolates all day, a lot of them lead very busy lifestyles and shock horror they eat fish,veg and salads too! They aren't trying to say they're healthy, they don't believe they are for a second. They aren't trying to impact your life either, they are just trying to live their life the way they want to.

Imagine how you'd feel if you were called names everyday of your life, it wouldn't spur you on to conform to "the norm" would it?

So let them eat what they want, let them walk down the street peacefully and let them be happy without wondering how somebody "like that" could even get up in the morning.

Life would be boring if we were all the same wouldn't it?

The growing up of the grey haired baby

I've always struggled with my confidence, ever since I was a little girl I've been a timid little creature.
I guess the problem is I just have really low self esteem, or none possibly. Over the years I have tried to do things that scare or challenge me but maybe not to the extent that they should have. I don't seem to try anything too hard and I think subconsciously I'm so worried about failing that I talk myself out of it.
I've been called a " contradiction " many a time. I do things that shock people, things they wouldn't imagine I'd have the balls to do and in the same breath I can't do the simplest of everyday tasks just in case I fail myself, my friends and most importantly my family. I feel a lot of my life I've been " babied " and I could of course blame all that on my parent's but when it boils down to it it's all my own fault. You can only be the victim for so long before you start looking in the mirror and wanting to change it. Only I can change my life and hopefully this will be the year I get off of my fat ass and do something about it. And if I fail then surely that can only spur me on even more, right?

I have made the decision that I want to move away from home. I need to break free of the safety net and actually be an adult for once in my life. To be confident in my emotions and my opinions, not be afraid to speak my mind and most importantly live my own life, the life I've wanted for years. Now of course some people could call this running away but I don't see it like that, we all have to move on at some point and at least I get to choose when to do that. Yes, I will be leaving a lot of negatives behind however I'll also be leaving a lot of positives too. There are some great memories, people and places in my hometown that I will miss but I can always go back and visit. Nothing is forever after all. And of course that's where my parents are.

So watch this space, and hopefully I shall be reporting back from a different place very soon.