The growing up of the grey haired baby

I've always struggled with my confidence, ever since I was a little girl I've been a timid little creature.
I guess the problem is I just have really low self esteem, or none possibly. Over the years I have tried to do things that scare or challenge me but maybe not to the extent that they should have. I don't seem to try anything too hard and I think subconsciously I'm so worried about failing that I talk myself out of it.
I've been called a " contradiction " many a time. I do things that shock people, things they wouldn't imagine I'd have the balls to do and in the same breath I can't do the simplest of everyday tasks just in case I fail myself, my friends and most importantly my family. I feel a lot of my life I've been " babied " and I could of course blame all that on my parent's but when it boils down to it it's all my own fault. You can only be the victim for so long before you start looking in the mirror and wanting to change it. Only I can change my life and hopefully this will be the year I get off of my fat ass and do something about it. And if I fail then surely that can only spur me on even more, right?

I have made the decision that I want to move away from home. I need to break free of the safety net and actually be an adult for once in my life. To be confident in my emotions and my opinions, not be afraid to speak my mind and most importantly live my own life, the life I've wanted for years. Now of course some people could call this running away but I don't see it like that, we all have to move on at some point and at least I get to choose when to do that. Yes, I will be leaving a lot of negatives behind however I'll also be leaving a lot of positives too. There are some great memories, people and places in my hometown that I will miss but I can always go back and visit. Nothing is forever after all. And of course that's where my parents are.

So watch this space, and hopefully I shall be reporting back from a different place very soon.